Thursday, 23 December 2010

Twas Two Nights Before Christmas - A Joe Hunter Poem

Twas Two Nights Before Christmas
(A Christmas poem featuring Joe Hunter)
Twas two nights before Christmas, when all through the house 
the killer was stirring, the heartless louse. The stocking was pulled over his head with care, 
in hopes no one would know him if they seen him there.
The children were tied up in their beds, while chloroform fumes danced in their heads.
 And mamma with her ‘kerchief employed as a gag,
 had just lost her brain after her husband was also whacked!

 When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
 the killer sprang from her body to see what was the matter.

Away to the window he flew like a flash, tugging up his zipper as he threw up the sash.
 The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
 gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.
 When, what to his worried eyes should appear,
 but a jet black Porsche, that should not have been there.

With a big ol’ driver, so lively and quick,
 he knew in a moment it must be that Rink.
 More rapid than an eagle his partner came,
 and he whistled, and shouted, and called the killer by name!

 "Now killer! Now, murderer! Now, rapist, I’m fixing, 
on coming on, stupid, to give you a Blitzing!”
 To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall the killer should dash away or else he would fall!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
 when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
 So up to the house-door Joe Hunter he flew,
 with his hand full of gun, and a KABAR too. 

And then, in a twinkling, the killer heard the clicks, the racking
 and chambering of the SIG-Sauer P226.

As he drew in his head, and was turning around, 
through the front window Hunter came with a bound. 

He was dressed all in black, from his head to his foot, 
and his clothes were all spotted with glass and with blood.

A bundle of hurt Hunter brought to this place, 
and he looked like the Grim Reaper, with his KABAR raised.

 His eyes-how they twinkled, his grim smile so scary!
 He brought up his gun, but he was in no hurry! 
His tight-lipped mouth was drawn up like a bow, 
as he unloaded the SIG like a flurry of snow.

There was a stump of an arm and a scatter of teeth,
 and the blood it encircled the killer’s head like a wreath.
 He had a wound in his face and more in his belly,
 where his intestines were pulped like a bowlful of jelly!

 He was shuddering and pumping, the guts right out his self,
 Hunter laughed when he saw him, in spite of himself!

A round through the eye and a chunk from his head, 
soon told Hunter that the killer was dead. 

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
 and pulled down the stocking, to identify the jerk.
 And spotting the incriminating tattoo aside the killer’s nose, 
he gave a nod, and he pulled out his phone!

He sprang to the Porsche, and Rink gave it throttle,
 and away they flew like the cork from a bottle.
 No one heard Hunter exclaim, ‘ere they drove out of sight,
 "Hi, Walter, a clean up crew’s required again tonight!"
Based with much respect on ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’ a poem
 By Clement Moore.

Monday, 20 December 2010

Rudolph's not the only one with a red nose!

For those of you new to my blog, or who have even read it in the past but don't mind reading it again, here's a short Christmas morality tale featuring Joe Hunter. Enjoy!!

Sunday, 19 December 2010

Cut and Run paperback coming soon.

For those of you who do not care to pick up the hardback editions of books, you'll be glad to hear that - in a few short weeks - the paperback edition of CUT AND RUN, the fourth in the Joe Hunter series of crime thrillers, will be readily available in UK bookshops.

Please note that the paperback edition sports a whole new design - so don't go searching for Joe and his parachute. I like this cover, which is evocative of a scene from the book - I won't say which one as I don't want to spoil anything for those of you that haven't read the book yet - but those of you who have read it will probably recall the scene.

I'm pleased to say that Cut and Run continues to garner some great reviews and a lot of readers think it is the best 'Joe Hunter' to date. Hopefully I can build on this and you will all enjoy his further adventures even more.

Cut and Run will be released on 6th January 2011, and should be widely available. If you enjoy the books, please tell your friends and family, and get them on to Joe Hunter, and if any of them gets book tokens or such as Christmas presents, it'd be nice to think they were exchanged for a Joe Hunter book.

Saturday, 18 December 2010

"A real page-turner and for all the right reasons"

Cut and Run gets the (GOOD) treatment from the Otago Daily Times (New Zealand): but to set the record straight, I haven't read - and am not aware of - the James Patterson thriller attested to in the piece. Great minds must think alike!

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Alternative cover of Judgement and Wrath.

Indian edition of Judgement and Wrath
I recently discovered this version of Judgement and Wrath on sale via India's version of Amazon at and thought I'd share it with you all. Sorry about the low quality image, but it's not a train as I first thought, but an American style diner with a row of motorbikes outside (ala the scene where we first meet Joe in this book). I really like this one and could do with a better look at it.

Milo's Top 15 Books of 2010

I am thoroughly pleased to announce that the fourth high-octane Joe Hunter thriller - CUT AND RUN - has made it into top book and TV reviewer Milo's Rambles' list of favourite 15 books of 2010. Considering the number of great books published this year, I feel fortunate indeed, and also blessed to be named alongside so many other superb books/authors. Thank you Miles.

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

How Well Do You Know Joe Hunter?

Here's a little game for Joe Hunter's readers.

How well do you think you know Joe? He has battled his way through life and has picked up a few wounds/scars and a tattoo along the way, but can you correctly identify which of the above images is the best reflection of those marks. Imagine that you are facing the figure above, and identify which one is Joe.

Double click the images for a larger view.

The shield is a tattoo
The dot is a bullet wound
The wiggly line is a knife mark

Who knows, there might even be a prize (picked at random from all correct entries). Just leave your answer in the comments.

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Dead Men's Harvest - Spoiler Alert

Don't read this if you don't want to know the secret behind Joe Hunter 6...

OK, the secret is out.

An old nemesis of Joe Hunter is back by popular demand in the forthcoming Joe Hunter book - Dead Men's Harvest. It's some 269 days until publication on 4th August 2011, but already the synopsis of the book is popping up at the various bookseller sites. It's therefore apt that I share it with you, my faithful readers and supporters. So here it is:


The Harvestman is back! And determined to wreak revenge on Joe Hunter. When Rink is ambushed by a team of highly skilled killers, Joe is pretty sure his friend is being used as bait. And the intended prey is Hunter himself. Joe has to go 'off radar' to rescue his friend. Their deadly game of cat and mouse reaches its climax on the rusty hulk of The Queen Sofia, a slave ship moored off the North Carolina coast where Joe's ex-sister-in-law is being held hostage. Against overwhelming odds, and amid a ferocious storm, Joe comes face to face with his old enemy Tubal Cain.

But before we even get to DMH, you've got 'Blood and Ashes' to look forward to where Joe will make some other terrifying enemies. Blood and Ashes will be released on the 3rd February 2011, so it will be with you all very soon.

Joe Hunter Vigilante

This is just a little reminder that Joe Hunter has his own official website. Have you taken a look, played the latest games and such?

Sunday, 5 December 2010

Holiday Book Blog Catalogue

Those lovely ladies (and superb writers), Erin Cole and Jodi MacArthur, have very kindly included 'Slash and Burn' and 'Cut and Run' in their festive run down of books they recommend to purchase as presents this coming Christmas. I'm indebted ladies. It's great to be included in such illustrious company.